While we don’t fight, I think we hesitate in sharing things with each other. What am I feeling right now? What challenges am I facing?
- I think she doesn’t accept my feelings and almost negates them. Like at times when we had discussed sex and why is she delaying it – she got defensive. To prove her point she goes to the point of saying things which are contradictory. For example: she says things like I wasn’t comfortable in having sex with you (which is after she had already been in a room with me and had already informed her family about me). What was worse was that in order to justify this that she wasn’t comfortable with me she went onto say regarding her ex “so what, sparks few earlier there, and didn’t fly here”..something to that effect. Then suddenly after the last fight, she got comfortable.
- The point is not just this fight, this is just an example that when she believes in something she won’t have anyone else’s perspective prevail. She would deny that and would question it. For example, now in the marriage case, she is think she is only right. The biggest flaw in her argument that I’m seeing is that if my father is leading the conversation then she needs to meet my father to assess him because what if “he misbehaves with me afterwards”. But otherwise she is okay to get married in court. If that is your concern then how is it that you are oscillating from one extreme to another extreme? My father will still be there in another home or the same irrespective of how we marry.
- I don’t feel heard. How much uninterrupted talk time I give her, I don’t get. The amount of talking we have done about the Bangalore roommate and about her brother is more than how much she would’ve spoken about me. She won’t ask me about my work even if she is planning to marry me – but wants to evaluate my father. Weird.
- Lastly, I feel she is compromising. But this comes from my insecurities and my weaknesses.
But how much of this is valid?
- Point 1 is history, why to bring it up again? Does it have an impact today? Sure. It’s stuck in my head.
- If she is working towards getting her parents to call and talk, then what’s the problem?
- The point is not how much she talks about them. It’s about how much she talks about you. Sure, that’s less. She isn’t bothered much. Valid.
- All my insecurities. No woman is stupid. Still talk it out.
I think overall it needs to be talked about that if she has any issues in her head that needs to be talked about.